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EXT. GRIFFITH PARK - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS MEDIUM SHOT - the collected Fang Gang stare dumbfounded as Oberon and his minions VANISH. Spike looks mildly disappointed. That's it? Show's over already? ILLYRIA No. I believe they are "setting up" for the next phase of whatever they have devised. ANGEL (irritably) Illyria, I'm waiting for an explanation. Who was that creature, and why did he bring us here? Gunn stares at the spot where the fairies disappeared, troubled by a vague thought - Was that--? Nah, couldn't be. Just then, MUSTARD-SEED materializes in a tree right above SPIKE, and taunts him in a high-pitched, singsong, Gnarl-like voice - Ooooh, pretty, pretty coat, Mr. Savage Vampire. Second skin, makes you feel all powerful and dangerous, hmmm? SPIKE (glancing up at Mustard-Seed, then looking towards Angel) Angel? Could you spare a moment from your busy schedule? ANGEL (not hearing him; to Illyria) And what were you thinking, bouncing Hobbes off the wall like that?! You could have killed him! Gunn whirls, glaring at Illyria. Say what?! MUSTARD (to Spike) But we both know that's not the real you, don't we? I smell the ink stains on your hands and musty old books and hiding in the basement while they all laughed, laughed, laughed.... SPIKE (to Mustard-Seed) Shut your gob, you tit, or I'll shut it for you. (to Angel) Angel! ILLYRIA (to Gunn and Angel) I did what was necessary to effect my escape. I did not mean to cause any permanent damage. Angel and Gunn exchange a look of concern, as if to say, "What are we going to do with her?" (to Spike) Did your Mummy dress you in your clean white linens and kiss you on the cheek as she sent you off to school? Ooooh, Mummy would call you a naughty, naughty boy now.... SPIKE (fed up) All right--that's it. Spike LEAPS UP and GRABS at the spot where Mustard-Seed was nestled in the tree branch, but Mustard VANISHES just a split second before Spike can get his hands on him. Spike, still seething, lands back on solid ground--and sees Mustard, ten feet ahead, waving and then beckoning him to follow. Naughty, eh? Give you all the damn naughty you want, I will. Spike breaks into a run, chasing Mustard-Seed down the concrete pathway, away from the rest of the Fang Gang. Angel, alerted by his plot-convenient vampire hearing, turns and watches Spike disappear into the darkness. Spike! Spike, what are you--oh, crap. (to Gunn and Illyria) Nobody move. With a sigh, Angel chases after Spike and is swallowed by the darkness. (to Illyria) So what's the deal? ILLYRIA I do not understand. GUNN This whole operation--the park, the portals, the magic--must have been pretty important for you to smash up Hobbes. ILLYRIA This is a private matter. I did not wish for you to become involved, and I do not wish to discuss it. GUNN Way too late for that. The fat guy and the Smurfs-- anybody I know? ILLYRIA (reluctantly) He is Oberon, King of Faerie. GUNN Name kind of sounds familiar.... ILLYRIA In the Time of Glory, when I was at my full power, I provided protection for the Realm of Faerie against my brethren, and in return, Oberon was bound to me in service if I required him in battle. GUNN You had a contract. ILLYRIA Not of pen and paper, but yes. Even though millennia have passed and the Old Ones lie interred in the Deeper Well, the contract is still binding. I knew that if I came to the woodlands, away from the cities of Man, and summoned him, Oberon would appear. GUNN You want him to do his ancient fairy mojo and fix your head. ILLYRIA That was the purpose. Gunn laughs bitterly and shakes his head. Y'know, for a god, you get some stupid-ass ideas sometimes. ILLYRIA (chilly) Do not think our acquaintance entitles you to take such a tone with me. GUNN Yeah, yeah, you'll rip out my liver, nail my intestines to the wall, use my lungs for bagpipes, and have yourself a party. You can threaten me all you want, but you're still in trouble here. ILLYRIA I do not follow. GUNN Listen, I hate having all this knowledge crammed in my head, but if there's one thing I know in this world, it's demonic contracts. You've got this binding thing, and it's still legal, but Fairy Boy's only obligated to follow the letter of the agreement. He might find a way to work around the fine print, and mess with your mind for laughs. ILLYRIA If he tried something that foolish, I would obliterate him from existence. GUNN Maybe you could in the old days...but not now. (agitated; growing angry) I know you wanna get rid of Fred, but was it worth the risk? I mean, do you have any idea what this guy's gonna do? ILLYRIA None. GUNN You might've screwed us all. CLOSE-UP - Illyria's usual expression of regal outrage gives way to some very real concern. EXT. ELSEWHERE IN GRIFFITH PARK - NIGHT We're off the concrete path in a more densely wooded area, although the observatory is still visible through the trees. Mustard-Seed is still playing peek-a-boo with Spike, and Spike is growing more annoyed and enraged by the second. Mustard disappears and reappears in front, behind, and above, giggling, hooting, and generally taunting him like a Frenchman. Angel, making his way down from the hillside above, rolls his eyes in exasperation at the scene. (to Spike) Could you at least pretend to have impulse control? SPIKE (distracted) Not now. ANGEL We have a problem, and you're not doing anybody any good running around on your own. SPIKE Going to solve part of your problem for you. When I catch the little bugger, I'm gonna squeeze him into grape juice. ANGEL Spike, we can't afford to get caught in these mind games. We've got to get out of here before everything spirals out of control! Mustard-Seed materializes on a tree branch directly above Angel. Ooooh, Daddy sounds angry. Has Daddy been drinking again? ANGEL (to Mustard-Seed) Nobody asked your opinion. MUSTARD (sing-song) Drowning in whiskey and playing with aaaaaaaall the little girls. But Daddy is soooooo sad. Lies down in the alley and waits for God to take him. But God will not come. Angel tries to ignore the taunts, but Mustard-Seed got him with that one. Failed as a son. Failed as a brother. Failed as a-- ANGEL Shut up. Angel does a TEN-FOOT LEAP into the tree branch, but Mustard-Seed, as before, vanishes before Angel can get his hands on him. Spike watches from below, arms folded, smirking at Angel's mini-meltdown. Impulse control problem? Angel lands back on earth, the fallen leaves crunching on impact. Maybe violence isn't such a bad idea, after all. Mustard-Seed's high-pitched giggle echoes through the woods. Angel and Spike stand back-to-back, their heads whirling as they try to follow Mustard's appearances and disappearances. CLOSE-UP on ANGEL, as he suddenly realizes - Wait a minute. Angel's eyes stop trying to follow Mustard-Seed; he lowers his head, deep in thought, and walks further down the hillside (deeper into the woods). This is a set-up. At the sound of those words, Spike's anger drains away and he follows Angel's lead, walking down the hillside until he's standing about a foot behind Angel in the midst of the woods. You mean he brought us here on purpose? ANGEL Probably. The question is, "why?" SPIKE (light bulb) Maybe it has nothing to do with us. ANGEL (same light bulb) Illyria. She's the one who knows these creatures. SPIKE And we left Charley with her. ANGEL We'd better get back. The two vampires turn around simultaneously and take a step up in the direction of the concrete path. CLOSE-UP - they look up towards the summit of Griffith Park and their eyes NEARLY BUG OUT of their heads. ANGLE ON - the HILL where the observatory normally sits. It's GONE. EXT. ELSEWHERE IN GRIFFITH PARK - NIGHT (as sincere as possible--for Illyria) I would never deliberately place you in danger, Charles Gunn. Of all the mortals in this cesspool you call a world, I find your presence to be the most...tolerable. GUNN (skeptically) Thanks. I guess. ILLYRIA We have achieved much in our battles together, and thou hast proven a worthy ally and a strong right hand with thy sword. GUNN (double take) Excuse me--did you just say "thou hast"? ILLYRIA It is soldiers such as thy sterling self, loyal servants of the crown, whose spirit hath sustained the army in this long campaign. CLOSE-UP - a perceptible change suddenly washes over Gunn's features--his eyes lose their usual defiance; they seem to lower slightly, as if in deference to Illyria, and his head tips downwards in a respectful half-bow. The honor is yours, my liege. Once I was but a rogue and peasant boy, quick to anger, bound to this earth by little more than grief and choler, destined for an early rest amidst the cobblestones. But years in your service have tempered the gross materials of my spirit, and honed my skills like unto the finest steel. ILLYRIA There shall ever be a place for thee at my side, for as long as Illyria endures. GUNN If the calamitous day should ever pass that Illyria falls, Your Majesty, I swear 't will not be at the hands of traitorous Avalon. ILLYRIA So, pray tell, Sir Charles--how stands the army and the preparations for battle? The CAMERA SWINGS AWAY from Illyria and Gunn, towards what was once the woods of Griffith Park. WIDE SHOT - the tree-lined area of the park has been transformed into an OPEN-FIELD, ELIZABETHAN-ERA ARMY ENCAMPMENT, with haggard and tired soldiers sprawled around campfires, sharpening swords and cleaning mud off their armor. 'Twas a hard and treacherous road through the lowlands, my liege, gaining this spot at the precipice of combat; their limbs are sound but weary, and perhaps would benefit from rest before engaging the foe. The CAMERA SWINGS BACK to Illyria and Gunn, and they too have been transformed. Gunn is now an ELIZABETHAN-ERA SOLDIER, still wearing his armor from the day's battles, and Illyria is dressed in the VESTMENTS OF ANCIENT BRITISH ROYALTY. The short cut of brown hair and the breeches indicate that King Illyria, for the purposes of this drama, is very much a MALE. Thy counsel is as wise as ever, but we cannot afford the succor of the sweet ambrosia of sleep. The enemy draws near, and Illyria shall not rest when victory is within our grasp. SIR CHARLES (bowing) Then what is your will, my liege? KING ILLYRIA Keep the men at full alert. The end is nigh, loyal Charles--after a score of years, Avalon shall pay for its betrayal. EXT. THE WOODS - NIGHT Angel and Spike are lost. All the concrete paths and markers of Griffith Park have vanished, and they're wandering through an unbroken thicket of trees. This is ridiculous. We should have hit a streetlamp by now. SPIKE (pointing) That tree with the knot in it? I think we passed it ten minutes ago. Gotten us lost again, haven't you, wonder boy? ANGEL (firmly) We are not lost. This is the direction back to Illyria and Gunn. SPIKE (snorting) God, here we go. This is just like that time back in the Wienerwald, and you had us going around in circles for days! (beat) Good thing we ran into those milkmaids.... ANGEL Look, Spike, I'm not in the mood to walk down the Memory Lane of Evil, all right? SPIKE Oh, will you loosen up? (as if Angel were a little "slow") I understand that what we did was horrible, and the whole bit about doing repentance and working every day to make the world a better place... (in normal voice) But if you're going to have this huge rod up your arse about it, you'll just end up making everybody around you miserable. ANGEL "Fun" isn't in the mission statement. SPIKE But why not? Why does the evil part always have the fun, and the good guy has to be such a prat? Angelus may have been a brutal, sadistic, heartless, murdering bastard, but by God, he had a sense of humor. Dost thou recall the lodging house back in Derry? ANGEL (smiling; and with a touch of Irish accent) Aye--'twas a most disreputable entertainment in a most reputable establishment. As the CAMERA TRACKS alongside Spike and Angel on their travels, the two vampires disappear behind some trees for a moment--and when they emerge, they are TRANSFORMED. Spike is dressed in the brightly colored motley of a FOOL and carrying a knapsack on his back. (You can just see the neck and fretboard of a lute sticking out from behind the cover of the knapsack.) Angel, on the other hand, is dressed like the SOLDIERS in the Illyrian army (no armor), with a sword in a scabbard hanging at his left side. Both Liam and Will appear to be slightly DRUNK. And thou wert short in the purse, as always. RUDE WILL 'Tis ne'er a problem when I can depend on thy generosity, good friend. LIAM Then I am more fool than thou shalt ever be. The coin of my purse is the crimson fruit of many a bloody battle, and should not be wasted upon such a scoundrel. WILL The fiercest battle thou hast seen in recent days hath been with the troublesome skirts of a scullery maid. LIAM The battlefield is not the sole arena where a man may show his courage. WILL (sarcastically) Then shall I sing of thy conquests, O brave warrior of the sheets? LIAM If 'twould mean the summoning of thy skills in rhyme, I would prefer my triumphs go unremarked. (beat; sobering up a little) Let us make haste to camp. I fear our private revelry with the king's ale shall be our undoing if we do not answer the captain's call at morning's light. EXT. THE ILLYRIAN ENCAMPMENT - NIGHT MEDIUM SHOT - Illyria and Sir Charles are still discussing the military situation; we don't hear their conversation, but Sir Charles looks extremely concerned, and he appears to be pleading with the king. From the left, one of Illyria's senior advisors (played by MUSTARD-SEED) hobbles into the frame and stands quietly to the side while the men plan strategy. ZOOM IN on Sir Charles and Illyria as Charles makes his case - Majesty, a battle is not won only by strength and passion, but by knowledge and forethought. If you will not send a party into these woods, then let a single soldier be your eyes and ears to divine the plans of Avalon. KING ILLYRIA The risk far outweighs the gain, good Charles. Endeavoring to spy upon the foe is double edged; if our agent is discovered, Avalon would know our presence, and may extract the nature of our design. SIR CHARLES Then let me be your agent, my liege. I shall be both swift and silent in your service, and no manner of persuasion would e'er loose my tongue before death. KING ILLYRIA Thou art too valuable an asset to risk on such foolishness. Sir Charles gestures with his arm towards the encampment and the other soldiers. Then send another whom you believe would be more suited. CLOSE-UP - Illyria gives Sir Charles a small, rueful smile. (firmly) Very well, Sir Charles--fly like winged Mercury, divine the strength of Avalon, and return with all due speed. SIR CHARLES (bowing again) For your greater glory, my lord. Sir Charles races off to prepare for his mission. The ADVISOR hobbles in behind Illyria and eases his old bones against a conveniently placed outcropping of rock. 'Twas against the grain of your character. KING ILLYRIA To what dost thou refer, old friend? ADVISOR/MUSTARD Such caution in the face of impending warfare! In more friendly climes, you would send a legion to spy upon Avalon, if 'twould bring you even a hair's breadth closer to victory. (beat) But these are not the friendliest of climes for Illyria. KING ILLYRIA Thou speakest in riddles. ADVISOR/MUSTARD Nay, I think my meaning crystal clear. Is this not the Aurelian Forest, in which, by tale and song, reside malefic spirits that would bedevil the most seasoned warrior? And was not His Majesty himself lost in this same forest twenty years before, lost for days, before returning to his kingdom, with no memory of his time within its boundaries? KING ILLYRIA (dismissively) 'Tis a ghost of seasons past--a fever dream with no more substance than the wind; it is of no consequence beside the present conflicts. ADVISOR/MUSTARD You need not convince me of your resolve. But I have heard whispers from the men below, whispers that the King returns to the wellspring of his madness, and the battle against Avalon shall lead them unto perdition. KING ILLYRIA No true warrior of Illyria would succumb to such foolish notions. ADVISOR/MUSTARD Not all are as faithful and resolute as Charles. The Advisor slowly lifts himself away from the outcropping, and starts the long walk back to his tent. Until the morrow, my liege. He exits. CLOSE-UP - Illyria, deep in thought. TIME CUT - King Illyria, disguised in HOODED CLOAK, passes among the men to see how they're bearing up before the big battle. The soldier's faces are hidden by mud and shadow; Illyria approaches a CAMPFIRE and a beefy-looking SOLDIER whose face is entirely obscured by the darkness, with the occasional flicker of flame indicating that it just might be Oberon. Who goes there? ILLYRIA I am a gentleman of a company. SOLDIER Then you are doubly burdened--these woods are no place for a gentle man, and in battle, death is the soldier's only company. Beat. Illyria is more than a little pissed off by the soldier's attitude, but he swallows his anger, keeping the conversation casual so he can get a clearer picture of what his soldier is thinking. Thy words are clever, my good man, but do a grave disservice to thy profession. For is not every soldier a gentleman in the service of his king, and the company of his fellows the means to glory? SOLDIER 'Tis not my glory, nor that of my fellows. ILLYRIA It is always glorious to fight for King and country. SOLDIER I do raise my sword for crown and country, sir, and I stand proud for Illyria and all it has achieved. But I do not pretend that our king would share the glory with his soldiers any more than I would share mine own triumphs with the housecat who cleans my hutch of mice. ILLYRIA Thou art paid.... (he catches himself) We are paid a more than generous wage. SOLDIER More than generous--and our wage shall some day make a fine widow's pension. (beat; he sighs) I suppose he is no better or no worse than any other King. He has his own motivations, desires, and bouts of madness, but such drives have naught to do with honor or glory. Could he tell us, swearing truth before God, why we have returned to the forest of his misspent youth? Why he drives towards Avalon like unto a man obsessed? ILLYRIA He is our King and requires no such explanations. SOLDIER I accept this truth as part and parcel of a soldier's life. And such is why I do not tax my mind with such high-flown words as "glory." 'Tis not healthy for one who wishes to remain alive. EXT. THE OTHER END OF THE AURELIAN FOREST - NIGHT Sir Charles stealthily approaches the Avalonian encampment. He watches from a safe distance as the AVALONIAN PRINCE takes a scroll from a messenger (played by MOTH), unrolls it, and reads its contents. SIR CHARLES' POV, LONG SHOT - the prince and the messenger. We cannot see the prince's face. (voice distant) How fares the king? MESSENGER/MOTH (also distant) His heart is fierce and noble like unto a lion's, my liege, but the body is weak. It will not be long before the future of the realm rests upon thy shoulders. The prince pauses for a moment to absorb the bad news. Then I shall accept that burden with a heavy heart and bold determination. The prince slips a second scroll from his inner breast pocket and hands it to the Messenger. The borders of the realm are secure in all directions but one. Make haste and bring Robin Goodfellow to this place. The forces of Illyria are here in the Forest of Aurelius, and I would have him lead our armies at my side. The Messenger nods and zips off, with the prince watching him go. ZOOM IN on the Avalonian Prince as he turns to face the CAMERA - CLOSE-UP - it's WESLEY. EXT. THE ILLYRIAN ENCAMPMENT - NIGHT King Illyria, brooding heavily after hearing the Vox Populi report, drifts away from the encampment and approaches the edge of the woods. He sees a CRONE (played by PEAS-BLOSSOM), standing just outside the illumination of the campsite. The crone blows FAIRY DUST from her open palm in Illyria's direction. The dust sails on the winds and carries over to Illyria, who is instantly MESMERIZED. The crone beckons Illyria to follow her into the woods, and Illyria, as if sleepwalking, obeys. EXT. THE DEEP WOODS OF THE AURELIAN FOREST - NIGHT The crone leads Illyria to a simple straw shack, and opens the door to let him inside. INT. CRONE'S SHACK - NIGHT The shack is sparsely furnished by modern standards--but perhaps too luxurious for a peasant's shack. Illyria is drawn to a MIRROR hanging on the wall at the far end of the room. CLOSE-UP - he looks into the mirror and sees FRED in a simple peasant's dress in the reflection. There is a FLASH OF LIGHT, and Fred and Illyria EXCHANGE PLACES. Fred, dazed and disoriented, walks away from the mirror, leaving Illyria's reflection in the glass.... BLACK OUT. |