All quotations used are either jotted down as I watched the tapes, or taken from Psyche's Transcripts - with many thanks, Psyche!

Well. Drusilla. Hmmmm. I mean, where do you start? Vampire. Female. Insane. 'Nuff said. That's what I thought when I sat down and started writing this. And then of course I started thinking about her. Really thinking about her. What made her tick, what kind of creature was she, really? Did I like her? Did I loathe her? Or does she just plain irritate me? The answer is, I don't know. I'm hoping I will by the time I come to the end of my perambulations.

I was going to begin at the beginning, when we first met Dru and Spike, with School Hard, but when I really thought about it, I realised that, for me, Dru's story begins when we meet her in the Confessional Box of a London church, as, unbeknownst to her, Angelus is dining on her priest.

It's 1860, she's a young Victorian girl, not beautiful in the conventional sense, but striking and rather frail looking. She also very frightened, and we find out why as she starts to confess to the priest-who-is-really-Angelus that she's 'been seeing again'. She has seen a cave-in in a mine, and men killed. Her talk is childlike, and her speech -pattern uneducated:

'My stomach all tied up, and I saw this horrible crash....My mummy said to keep my peace, it didn't mean nothing....Me mum says I'm cursed. My seeing things is an affront to the Lord, that only he's supposed to see anything before it happens. But I don't mean to, Father, I swear, I try to be pure in his sight. I don't want to be an evil thing'.

So we see immediately that this is a good Catholic girl, poor but virtuous, who has the gift - or curse - of second sight. Think of the prejudices and superstitions of her times. I get the impression that she loved and was loved by her family, but surely she must have also frightened them. Not too many years before, she may have been burnt, or - perhaps worse - committed to Bedlam. People are frightened, and can be made vicious, by something they don't understand. To Angelus, however, things were a great deal different. He immediately decided to make her a vampire, but he wanted to play a little game with her first - to torment her, and kill her friends and family, in that cat-and-mouse way of his we've come to know so well.

(There is some argument for saying that Angelus actually saw Drusilla first when she was walking down the street with her mother and sisters in Dear Boy, when Darla pointed her out, but I feel that at this point he'd already met her, and his stalking had started).

From Angel:

Angel: I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. Drusilla was the worst. She was...an obsession of mine. She was pure and sweet and chaste...

Buffy: And you made her a vampire.

Angel: First, I made her insane. Killed everybody she loved. Visited every mental torture on her I could devise. She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon.

Take a moment here to think of your own family, and what you'd do or think about some monster stalking them, killing them, feeding off of them, one by one, and doing it 'with a song in his heart'.

In Dear Boy: we are shown the aftermath of the cookout in the convent, when Drusilla is cowering away from Angelus and Darla, muttering insanely - he's driven her mad, but he's not going to finish her off, as Darla would like him to - 'So are we going to kill her during or after?' 'Neither. We turn her into one of us - killing is so merciful at the end, isn't it? The pain has ended.' 'But to make her one of us? She's a lunatic.' 'Eternal torment. Am I learning?'

In the same episode, we can flash foward to 1880 and the girl who wanted to be a nun has been a vampire for twenty years. She travels with Angelus and Darla, but they are a couple, and she's lonely:

Drusilla: I'm full and warm, yet all alone.

Angelus: That's not true, precious, you've got us.

Drusilla: Not in the least. You won't even have me just a little bit.

Darla: All you have to do is ask.

Dru: No. His head's too full of you, grandmother.

(Side comment - Angel thinks that's funny - Darla doesn't!).

Angelus: Well, if you're lonely, Dru, why don't you make yourself a playmate?

Dru: I could. I could pick the wisest and bravest knight in all the land and make him mine forever with a kiss.

And then, of course, a bit of Buffyverse legend is born, as along comes William, a.k.a. William the Bloody, a.k.a. Spike...

From Fool for Love:

Drusilla has followed the distressed William into an alley...

Dru: And I wonder...what possible catastrophe came crashing down from heaven and brought this dashing stranger to tears?

William: Nothing. I wish to be alone.

Drusilla: Oh, I see you. A man surrounded by fools who cannot see his strength, his vision, his glory. That, and burning baby fish swimming all around your head.

William thinks she's a pickpocket (and from the last remark, obviously a mad one!), and she makes him nervous, but then she adds:

Don't need a purse. (Pointing to his heart and his head) Your wealth lies here... and here. In the spirit and...imagination. You walk in worlds the others can't begin to imagine.

William: Oh, yes! I mean, no. I mean... mother's expecting me.

Dru: I see what you want. Something glowing and glistening. Something... effulgent.

It needs only that. Spike is born.

In the same episode, with more flashbacks, we see Spike kill his first Slayer in China, and Drusilla reaping the benefits of his high with some pretty raunchy sex. A long way from the Convent, then!

So...I now come to twentieth century Sunnydale. School Hard. The Master is dead, the Anointed One's in charge, and Spike and Dru are in town.

She seems to have become more fey and frail, and this is accentuated by her floating white Regency-style dress. She may have sired Spike, but he is the strong one - or is he?

Drusilla (stares at Colin): This one has power. I could feel it from the outside.

Spike: Yeah. He's the big noise in these parts. Anointed, and all that.

Drusilla: (to Colin) Do you like daisies? Hmm? I plant them, but they always die. Everything I put in the ground withers and dies. (Looks off into space) Spike, I'm cold.

Spike (putting his coat around her): I've got you.

Drusilla: I'm a princess.

Spike: That's what you are.

Spike then offers to kill the Slayer, if the Anointed One will keep his flunkies from trying anything behind his back. Then

Drusilla (head bowed and hands to her temples): I can't see her. The Slayer. I can't see. (Looks back up) It's dark where she is. Kill her. Kill her, Spike. Kill her for me?

Spike: It's done, baby

This, of course, is our first glimpse of Spike and Dru, and this scene immediately establishes several things:

Dru, though a vampire, is not physically strong. She can see things others can't. Spike loves her and wants to protect her.

From this episode onwards, we see Drusilla in this light. She gets more and more frail and weak, though it is never really established what is making her ill. She can be very childlike, and this is emphasised by her collection of dolls, and her interactions with them - she turns one to face away "Miss Edith speaks out of turn. She's a bad example, and will have no cakes today. Shh." A memory of her Victorian childhood, perhaps? In the same scene, we see Sheila, a classmate of Buffy's, tied up and gagged, and later Drusilla is persuaded by Spike to "Eat something".

Although frail, we see in Lie to Me that Drusilla is still capable of making forays to hunt for food on her own, as she comes across the child in the park, and is prevented from feeding by Angel. She's delighted to see him, but soon senses that he's still Angel, and not Angelus:

Dru: My dear boy's gone all away, hasn't he? To her.

Angel: Who?

Dru: The girl. The Slayer. Your heart stinks of her. Poor little thing. She has no idea what's in store.

As we can see, Buffy watches from a roof-top, and later, in the Library:

Giles takes an open book from on top of another and exposes an old picture of Drusilla.

Buffy (telling them of Ford killing a vampire): Gotta give him credit for... (notices the picture) that.

Jenny: Something wrong?

Buffy: (picks up the picture) Who's this?

Giles: Um, she's called Drusilla, a sometime paramour of Spike's. She was killed by an angry mob in Prague.

Buffy: Well, they don't make angry mobs like they used to, 'cause this girl's alive. I saw her with Angel.

Giles: (taken aback) With Angel?

Jenny: Isn't he supposed to be a good guy?

Buffy: (puts the picture back down) Yeah. He is.

Later, as Drusilla is asking her dead bird why it won't sing for her anymore, we see Spike's jealousy of Angel:

Spike: Darling, I heard a funny thing just now. Lucius tells me that you went out on a hunt the other night.

Dru: My tummy was growly. And you were out...

Spike: You, um, meet anyone? Anyone interesting? Like Angel?

Dru: Angel.

Spike: Yeah...so...what might you guys have talked about then? Old times? Childhood pranks? It's a little off, you two being so friendly, him being the enemy and all that.

Drusilla (to the bird): I'll give you a seed if you sing.

Spike (impatiently): The bird's dead, Dru. You left it in a cage, and you didn't feed it, and now it's all dead, just like the last one.

At his tone, Dru cowers and whines, and Spike is immediately contrite:

Oh, I'm sorry baby. I'm a bad, rude man. I just don't like you goin' out, that's all. You are weak. (Takes her hand) Would you like a new bird? One that's not dead?

Just then, Ford comes in, and when Spike would have killed him, Dru stops him. When Ford annoys Spike some more, he looks to Drusilla "Can I eat him now, love?".

This is an important scene, in that it shows first Drusilla depending on Spike, then Spike looking to Drusilla for permission to eat. They are partners, equal, and it shows. Though physically stronger, he relies on her for direction. Later, when Spike has the opportunity to kill his third Slayer along with the Ford and his friends, he chooses to let them go rather than risk Drusilla.

As time passes, and Spike gets more desperate to find a cure for Drusilla, we arrive at What's My Line, Part 1, where we are introduced to the Order of Teraka, via Dru's Tarot cards, and are shown that Drusilla certainly retains memories of her former life, and enough of her human personality to want to avenge her family by torturing Angel before he has to die to make her well. And, very woman-like, I think, she's not above enjoying Spike's jealousy as Angel taunts him, yet is sane enough to prevent Spike staking Angel.

And what a scene at the end of the second of this two-parter, as Dru lifts the unconscious Spike up from the charred wreckage of the church organ - "Don't worry, dear heart...I'll see that you get strong again, like me!"

Of course, given the nature of the beast, it's not so surprising that Drusilla is used occasionally to further the plot, so to speak. In Halloween, for instance, it is Drusilla who tells Spike "Someone's come to change it all. Someone new." The 'someone', of course, turns out to be Ethan Rayne.

And then, along comes Angelus....

In the 'teaser' of Surpise, Buffy dreams of Angel, and it is Drusilla in the dream who stakes Angel. This is the first intimation that Drusilla (and Spike) may have survived the wreckage in the church.

Later, we see Dru and Spike - wheelchair-bound - in their warehouse, and it seems they're having a party, and the main present, all for Dru, is the Judge! In pieces at the moment, but wait 'til they finish the jigsaw! And here we see that, while in the past Dru might've been the weak, fragile member of the Vamp Clan, now that she's stronger, she can be pretty nasty:

Dalton (having lost part of the Judge to Buffy): The Slayer. She came out of nowhere, I didn't even see her.

Drusilla cuts him off by putting her finger to his lips. She stares into his eyes. She lifts off his glasses and drops them to the floor. She stomps on them and grinds them into the concrete. She lifts her head with her eyes closed.

Drusilla: Make a wish.

Dalton: What?

She holds two fingers up to his eyes -

Drusilla: I'm going to blow out the candles.

Spike stops her, but Dalton later gets his come-uppance via the Judge, who burns him up (Drusilla: Do it again! Do it again!).

It's made pretty clear in this episode that the pecking order has changed - it's Drusilla giving the orders now. That doesn't last long, however - in the very next episode, Innocence, Angel has enjoyed his moment of bliss, and Angelus returns to the fold. To Drusilla's delight and Spike's dismay!

In the teaser, Drusilla falls to floor with one of her visions, moaning "Angel", and then suddenly gives one of her evil smiles - she knows! After the credits, we see Dru on her back on the big table, and one of my own favourite little exchanges follows:

Spike: Are we feeling better, then?

Drusilla: (sighs) I'm naming all the stars.

Spike: You can't see the stars, love, that's the ceiling. Also, it's day.

Drusilla: I can see them. But I've named them all the same name. And there's terrible confusion.

Then Angelus turns up, and when the Judge can't burn him:

Judge: There's no humanity in him.

Angelus: I couldn't have said it better myself.

Drusilla: Angel.

Angelus: Yeah, baby, I'm back.

Much mayhem and anguish follows for Buffy and the Gang, and a lot of jealousy for Spike, as he realises that Dru is turning more and more to Angelus, who loses no opportunity to taunt Spike.

In the middle of all the angst, we are allowed some comic relief - Dru's face in Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered when she couldn't follow the other love-struck girls into Buffy's house is a picture I'll cherish (not to mention Angel's, when Dru saves Xander from him!).

Earlier in the same episode, one of Angelus's best lines:

Angelus (as he lays a fresh and bloody human heart on the table): Happy Valentine's Day, Dru.

Dru: Oh! Angel! It's still warm.

Angelus: I knew you'd like it. I found it in a quaint little ...shopgirl.

In the next episode, I Only Have Eyes For You, the threesome move to the mansion on Crawford Street, Spike's jealousy and hatred of Angelus grows in proportion to Angelus's taunting (in fact, I suppose you could argue that Drusilla indirectly saves the world, for if it wasn't for her, Spike wouldn't have gone to Buffy! Of course, if Dru hadn't had the vision about Acathla in the first place, the necessity wouldn't have arisen - ah, well!).

She certainly was the indirect cause of Jenny Calendar's death, for it's in the next episode, Passion, that she tells Angelus and Spike "...an old enemy is seeking help...help to destroy our happy home...".

So we come to Becoming 1 and 2. Dru has the vision of Acathla, and starts the ball rolling...and in the first part of the season's finale, "bags" (to quote Spike) "a Slayer". Poor Kendra finds she's no match for our Queen Vamp, and Buffy loses a friend.

In Part 2, poor Giles is captured and tortured, and we see that while he can bear the physical torture, Dru becomes Jenny, and Giles gives away the secret that it's Angelus's blood that is the key to freeing the sword. A little comic touch is added:

Angelus and Spike both look over at Drusilla, still kissing Giles:

Spike: Uh, Drusilla...

She keeps on a-kissin'..

Angelus: Honey...

Spike: We are finished here, ducks.

Drusilla stops, looks up at them sheepishly: Sorry. I was in the moment.

So, we come to the moment when Spike makes his move. He waits for Buffy to arrive, hits Angelus with an andiron, and Dru freaks out. She jumps on Spike to try and stop him, and he breaks free:

Spike: I don't want to hurt you, baby.

Dru grabs him by the throat and shoves him into the wall. He slaps her arm aside and punches her in the face.

Spike: Doesn't mean I won't. (After choking her to unconsciousness) Sorry, baby. Wish there was another way.

As Angelus and Buffy are left to fight it out, we see Spike driving away from Sunnydale, one hand on the wheel, the other arm firmly anchored around his lady, never to be seen again...

..As Cordy would say - As If!! Spike, of course, turns up again in Lover's Walk, drunkenly bemoaning the fact that Dru has left him for a chaos demon, and in Fool For Love we see the actual scene.

Spike: I haven't said a word about the bloody Slayer since we left California. She's on the other side of the planet, Dru!

Drusilla: But you're lying! I can still see her floating all around you, laughing. Why? Why won't you push her away?

Spike: But I did, pet. I did it for you. You keep punishing me. Carrying on with creatures like this.

Pull back to reveal a Chaos Demon standing nearby, holding a beer. He's tall with antlers that drip and ooze.

Chaos Demon: Okay, you guys obviously have a thing going on here.

Drusilla: I have to find my pleasures, Spike. You taste like ashes.

Spike (re: demon): So this is my fault now?

Chaos Demon (to Spike): I didn't know she was seeing somebody. (off Spike's look) I should take off.

Spike: Yeah, why don't you do that?

The demon blows a kiss to Drusilla, then walks off.

Drusilla: You can't blame the ghoul, Spike. You're all covered with her. I look at you... all I see is the Slayer.

Here, I have to say, is one of the few times the writers of this great series have disappointed me. I feel that this was included simply to point out that Spike felt something other than hate for Buffy, and cheapened his love for Drusilla, which I think was a true, deep, love (you only have to go back and listen to his wonderful 'I may be love's bitch' speech to know that).

Anyway, Dru can't forgive Spike for saving the world, when she'd looked forward to its end with such glee, and goes to LA for a little shopping, a little food, a little fun with Darla, gets a little burned by Angel, and comes looking for Spike in Crush. She's dumbfounded when Spike chooses the Slayer over her. I feel that here, too, Dru is used simply to illustrate Spike's new-found love for Buffy, and that the writers are taking this opportunity to re-write Buffyverse history a little:

Buffy: What's going on?

Spike: Simple. I'm gonna prove something. (moves up close to her) I love you.

Buffy closes her eyes and grimaces in disgust.

Buffy: Oh my god.

Spike: No, look at me! (grabs her chin and forces her to look at him) I ... love you. (Buffy jerks her chin out of his hand) You're all I bloody think about. Dream about. You're in my gut .. my throat ... I'm drowning in you, Summers, I'm drowning in you.

Dru begins to laugh. Spike turns.

Spike: I can do without the laugh track, Dru.

Drusilla: But it's so funny. I knew ... before you did. I knew you loved the Slayer. The pixies in my head whispered it to me.

Spike turns back to Buffy as Dru continues talking.

Spike: You can't tell me that there isn't anything there between you and me. I know you feel something.

Buffy: It's called revulsion. And whatever you think you're feeling, it's not love. You can't love without a soul.

Drusilla: Oh, we can, you know. We can love quite well. If not wisely.

So - vampires can love, Dru said so!

There's also a nice little scene with Dru, Spike and Harmony, as Dru mouths "Boo-boo?" over Harmony's shoulder, much to Spike's chagrin!

I've finally reached the end of my ramblings. I hope I haven't bored you rigid along the way! As to what conclusions I've come to over the maddest vampire? Well, there can be no doubt she's a couple of slates short of a full roof, she has no conscience whatsoever, and seems to have a predilection for children as well as a taste for torture. She certainly isn't your typical vamp - and, hey! no Dru = no Spike, so thanks, Dru, for that at least! Do I feel sorry for her? I don't pity the vampire, no, but the poor fey child she once was? Absolutely. Do I like Drusilla any more than I did before I started? Well, I wouldn't invite her in to meet the family, but, yeah, I guess I do a little. Do you?